In the new version of The Mummy, a central character who is secretly thousands of years old constantly rejuvenates himself by sucking the life force out of mere mortals, growing magically younger and younger before our very eyes. But enough of Tom Cruise for the moment…
This is not so much a reboot of the mini-franchise that brought Brendan Fraser to short-lived fame almost two decades ago but the first film in what Universal Studios has named its new Dark Universe.
So when Russell Crowe – playing Dr Jekyll, no less – greets visitors to his subterranean London lair with the words ‘Welcome to a new world of gods and monsters’, he’s not just helping the script along or hoping that some of us will recognise a quote from The Bride Of Frankenstein, he’s introducing a whole new franchise.
‘Normally, I’ll defend Cruise against what is often knee-jerk criticism, but here (starring alongside Annabelle Wallis, above with Cruise) he’s miles out of his comfort zone’
Well, let’s just hope that the films to come are better, because this is not a great start.
It’s partly a victim of bad timing: after the terrorist attacks in London last weekend, now is not the best time to release a film in which a deranged character brandishes a deadly sharp knife and stabs a soldier to death, before being shot dead themselves. Not at least if, a few moments later, you want us chuckling along with good ol’ Tom’s sparkling repartee, which director Alex Kurtzman clearly does.
Released 85 years after the Boris Karloff original, this is meant to be a caper in the style, one imagines, of Indiana Jones, but it barely raises a laugh. Cruise may be many things but Harrison Ford he ain’t. Or Michael Douglas, come to that.
But there are other problems, apart from bad timing and a miscast leading man. The disjointed screenplay is all over the place – beginning with a brief bit of Dan Brown-type material (Crusader Knights burying jewels in 12th-century England) before rewinding the historical clock further and segueing into the same sort of cod-ancient world that Gods Of Egypt visited last year.
Sofia Boutella stars as the awakened Princess Ahmanet (above) who turns to the dark side; raising the evil Set, and is mummified alive for her pains in quick succession
Turns out there was this Princess – Ahmanet – who was due to be sole ruler of Egypt… until her Pharaoh father took another wife and produced a son. Small wonder that Ahmanet (Sofia Boutella), when she wasn’t slinking through the desert in her billowing white frock like something from a 1970s cigarette commercial, turned to the dark side; raising the evil Set, and being mummified alive for her pains in quick succession.
Back in the present day of northern Iraq, we find Cruise and co-star Jake Johnson playing best buddies Nick Morton and Chris Vail, reconnaissance soldiers with a sideline in selling looted antiquities. Then a missile strike reveals a vast ancient tomb, conveniently bringing past, present and plotline together.
But as it does so, we’re wrestling with the fact that Cruise’s character has not only stolen a map from a beautiful archaeologist young enough to be his daughter, he’s slept with her too. It doesn’t matter that Annabelle Wallis, who plays Jenny, is in her early 30s; it’s still a distinctly ‘eeuw!’ moment. I mean, boyish he may be, but Cruise is still 55 next month.
Tom Cruise and co-star Annabelle Wallis (above) lack sexual chemistry, the sex scene between Tom (nearly 55) and Annabel (early 30’s) is ‘a distinctly “eeuw!” moment’
Normally, I’ll defend Cruise against what is often knee-jerk criticism, but here he’s miles out of his comfort zone. This is a role that requires ‘roguish charm’ – oodles of it, in fact – if we’re to buy into this fantastical tale. It’s important that we actually like Nick Morton.
But, from the moment he unthinkingly fires a bullet into an elaborate counter-weight system in what will soon be revealed as Ahmanet’s grave, we don’t – not much, anyway.
‘Somewhere within you, fighting to get out,’ begins Jenny, ‘is a good man.’ Trouble is, we don’t believe it. Even when something nasty takes possession of poor old Nick, he looks and behaves exactly like Tom Cruise.
The film’s variable dramatic tone – an archaeological caper with a 15 certificate? – is as off-key as the casting (above: Cruise and Jake Johnson outside the ancient tomb)
When the leading man in a film like this is wrong, everything is wrong: the film’s variable dramatic tone – an archaeological caper with a 15 certificate? – is as off-key as the casting; the bromance with Vail doesn’t ring true; and Cruise’s sexual chemistry with Wallis is poor.
But that’s far from all the Top Gunner’s fault. Wallis really caught the eye in Guy Ritchie’s recent King Arthur but here the Peaky Blinders star looks uncomfortable and out of her depth.
Russell Crowe, who is clearly here only to establish the character for future Dark Universe films, is a distracting hoot – particularly when in cockney Mr Hyde mode – but elsewhere too many of the ingredients on display we’ve seen before; many, many times.
The possessed body suddenly covered with ancient runes, the staggering reanimated, zombie-like corpses, the rotting flesh restored by… yes, we know. A new world of gods and monsters? I might just pass.
For Poldark fans, a double treat this weekend. Not only does their favourite TV show return tonight but in the cinema comes a new adaptation of Daphne du Maurier’s melodrama My Cousin Rachel which, like Poldark, is set in Cornwall in a similar-looking period and shares all sorts of the familiar features.
There’s a handsome leading man (Sam Claflin), a mysterious beauty (Rachel Weisz, right), lots of galloping along clifftops, male skinny-dipping, bad-tempered old retainers… heck, there’s even a scything scene. Yes, really.
Having been orphaned at an early age, Philip has been raised by his wealthy cousin, Ambrose, who, as the story properly begins, is not in the best of health. He travels to Italy for the sun, falls in love with a distant cousin, Rachel (Weisz), and promptly marries her.
Mysterious beauty, Rachel Weisz (above), stars alongside leading man Sam Clafin in this new adaptation of Daphne du Maurier’s melodrama; perfect for fans of Poldark
But Ambrose’s health gets worse and his letters home more worrying, and when Philip (now all grown up and played by Claflin) travels to Italy to find him, he receives the worst news of all. Ambrose is dead.
The death certificate blames a brain tumour but the headstrong, hot-blooded Philip isn’t convinced. Might Rachel – a woman apparently fond of making home-made tisanes – be to blame? When she unexpectedly arrives at the estate he has just inherited, he has the perfect opportunity to find out. Or rather he would if he wasn’t so immediately bewitched by her beauty that he falls instantly in love.
There’s an unexpectedly chaste TV feel to what ensues, with Claflin giving it slightly too much, Weisz not quite enough, and director Roger Michell (Notting Hill and Le Week-End) delaying his big twist to a point when we no longer quite care.
Richard Gere (above) plays Norman, an ageing New York Jewish chancer still chasing a deal, in this Woody Allen-style American ‘indie’ film, which feels ‘really too long’ at almost two hours
The influence of Woody Allen is never far away as two American ‘indie’ films arrive with central characters that Allen would definitely recognise.
In Norman: The Moderate Rise And Tragic Fall Of A New York Fixer, Richard Gere plays an ageing New York Jewish chancer still chasing a deal, while in Wilson Woody Harrelson plays a middle-aged misery-guts whose dysfunctional life is plunged into fresh crisis when his father dies.
Both have their moments – particularly as the lowly Israeli politician that Norman befriends unexpectedly becomes prime minister. But while Norman really is too long, at almost two hours, Wilson feels even longer, despite being almost half an hour shorter. And no, Woody, in real life there isn’t a leggy blonde yoga teacher round every corner.
source: dailymail.co.uk
